Quitting SUGAR without a Criminal Record.
Can it be done?
“…but Your Honor, my client committed these crimes under the influence of a most powerful drug that she did not know was making her do these awful things at the time of …”
The fantasy of excuses was never ending while I was in that dark never ending tunnel of quitting SUGAR. The fact that I was able to quit without a criminal record of committing violent crimes is an accomplishment I hope will be recognized in my eulogy.
The truth is…I grew up in a 7/Eleven in Los Angeles, California. No come to think of it, my earliest memories were serving old-fashioned root-beer ice cream floats with candy sprinkles when I was four years old at our family Village Fountain Restaurant in New Jersey. I could barely reach the counter, but for the sake of SUGAR and seeing how SUGAR brought pure joy to so many, I may have been the youngest SUGAR Pusher from East to West Coast! I started young in this business and I had no shame…
So when someone with severe Eczema or Auto-Immune Diseases or Inflammation-Type Conditions stands in front of me saying they can’t fathom quitting SUGAR, we instantly bond when I confess my Before & After life with quitting SUGAR. I was the Mafia Boss and everyone in my family including myself worked to support this weapon of mass destruction. From Snickers to Baklava dripping in SUGAR syrup, our house and our family businesses were the international headquarters of SUGAR addicts welcoming anyone that needed a fix.
“…so the truth Your Honor and nothing but the truth?
This SUGAR Detox has taken me about 7 years and I’m still working through it…
and doing this community service of spreading the word is really helping me stay on track…”
Today – I’m about 93% SUGAR-FREE. That means No Processed SUGAR, little or no white bread, rice or pasta and no artificial sweeteners. The last thing to go is my Hazelnut Latte and I’m hanging on to this one for dear life. I’m almost ready to let this go in 2016.
“…and to the Jury of my Peers, please don’t judge me – yes it’s taken me longer, but remember –
I grew up in candy stores – don’t I deserve more leniency, considering where I come from?”
Here’s how to:
QUIT SUGAR WITHOUT A CRIMINAL RECORD:
1.Get rid of the Evidence – and do it on garbage day so you don’t go back out to the trash bin and salvage those beloved candy bars back at midnight like I did.
2. Announce your new life without “The S Drug”. You need to confess openly and gain support from all loved ones. Say it. Say it LOUD!
3. Get new friends – or isolate yourself from the accomplices that are SUGAR Pushers – you know who they are. Right now you are your own metaphorical Moses on the Mountain alone for 40 days until you come down with your own spiritual strength.
4. DO THE TIME – there’s no getting around it. It’s hard time in physical/mental JAIL of withdrawal – expect one week of hell and one month of intensive physical pain – from headaches to shakes to emotional bankruptcy. Expect the worst. It really is that bad. There’s no Sugar-Coating this (sorry)!
5. Daily Brainwash your mind with SUGAR Facts. Watch sweet documentaries like these:
SUGAR: The Bitter Truth
60 Minutes : Is Sugar Toxic?
The Conversation: Here’s What Happens To Your Brain When You Give Up Sugar
6. Bait and Switch SUGAR urges with dates, figs, fruits, berries. Just as you are about to throw a 2 year old toddler-style tantrum over tiramisu, pull out a ziplock baggy of figs or dates which have enough sweetness and glorious minerals that will trick your brain into a magician’s slight of hand to get you through the insanity.
7. Obsess over something new and fascinating – get into that one thing on your bucket list that you’ve always wanted to do. Underwater basket weaving? No one needs to know – this is all yours and it’s a private secret crutch. My crutch was NETFLIX! But stay away from Breaking Bad! You don’t need that analogy of good gone bad – you want to go the other direction. Stick to health documentaries – especially before Thanksgiving and Christmas!
8. Forgive yourself. You will fail. The sheer humiliation will paralyze you. Done that, been there Babe – dust yourself off – you have 3 days to mourn and bury the body of evidence again. Watch the documentaries again and you’ll bounce back. We are all cowards and die a few times during this.
9. Stage it. Eliminate the worst Mafia Boss Leader first. Soda. Then his right-hand man the Donut Delivery Man at office meetings. Chocolate, oh it hurts me writing this even now after all these years. As if I’m betraying my first love, yes chocolate stashes in my glove compartment and office desk supplies of Snickers – my little forbidden affairs stashed away in hidden rendezvous spots only we knew – break away on a rainy day my friend – for some reason that’s easier and no one can see the tears.
10. Sobriety is an every day thing. I have to constantly check my SUGAR Criminal Records and Annual Credit (Health) Score. I think I’ve redeemed my credit score over the years and I pay hypocritical penalties for carelessness now and then, but now that I’ve given up my beloved flavored coffee creamers, my last sin I held onto for dear life – I think I may finally be free.
“…but I am only human and that’s my last excuse your honor.”